Patty the penguin was a happy penguin, she was also the prettiest penguin of all. The male penguins would often fight over her and show their admiration by presenting her with rocks. But Patty wanted something more than a typical penguin. She wanted someone who really knew how to use their flippers to show her what happens to naughty penguins.
She had a big crush on Pedro. He was the baddest penguin of them all, but he hardly gave her the time of day. She imagined what it would be like for him to take her on the beach in front of all the other penguins. He had strong flippers, a big belly, sturdy feet, and impeccable feathers. She heard the noises all the other female penguins made when they were alone with him and it excited her. Patty did her best to get Pedro’s attention, she got a new feather style, had her flippers done, and showed off a little more penguin leg than was socially acceptable in most penguin circles. This worked on the other male penguins, but not on Pedro. In fact one or two of the female penguins threatened her because their husband penguins wouldn’t stop gawking at her, but hey a girl penguin has to do what she has to do. Patty became so frustrated that she gave up altogether, Pedro didn’t notice her no matter how many feathers she plucked from her head, or how much extra padding she put on her rear end. Patty’s wobble just wasn’t Pedro’s style. She sat on her favorite rock watching the elephant seals sleeping in the sun. She thought she was alone so she started to cry (side note: have you ever seen a penguin cry? I can imagine it’s not so cute, they’re basically water proof so it would just roll down their little penguin cheeks, onto their bellies and fall at their feet, right? They probably get all sniffly and snotty like Dahlia does, but I digress) Patty hear some penguin hops behind her and quickly used her flippers to wipe her eyes (assuming the tears hadn’t already fallen down to the ground, as I previously stated) “Patty Penguin, are you alright?” She looked up to see Pedro standing next to her on the rock, his black feathers glistening in the sun. He was sure one damn sexy penguin and he knew it! She sniffed as Pedro sat next to her (I don’t know how penguin’s sit, so don’t ask me) “What’s wrong Patty?” “Oh Pedro Pingüino, there’s this penguin I really like and I’ve done everything to make myself more attractive to him, but nothing has worked.” Pedro put his flipper around her shoulder, she could feel like penguin muscle brushing up against her (I don’t know how a penguin would have arm muscles, just go with it) “Patty you don’t need to change a damn penguin thing about yourself. You’re the prettiest penguin on this entire penguin plantation.” Patty smiled a bit, which made Pedro laugh because she had a fish bone stuck in her teeth. He reached up to help her get it out of her mouth, but she mistook it for him trying to kiss her. She didn’t know what to do so she flipper bitch slapped him for trying to get fresh with her. Pedro was taken aback by this and smiled “So you like to beat up male penguins huh?’ Patty turned a bright shade of red (which when you think about it, it would be cool to see a red penguin) “I’m so sorry Pedro, that was a flipper jerk reaction. Please don’t think ill of me.” Pedro laughed “If you like to get penguin kinky, that’s going to cost you extra mi amiga” Patty pulled out her penguin purse and started to look through all her sand dollars, “How much would that cost?” Pedro pushed down her purse “First you flipper bitch slapped me and now you think you can buy a night with me out on the iceberg? What kind of penguin do you take me for?” Patty was confused, was he flirting with her or was he serious? Her little penguin heart pounded as thoughts of him calling the penguin police ran around her head. She almost passed out from all the anxiety, but as she started to slump over Pedro caught her in his mighty flippers. “Patty, I was only kidding. If you want a night with me there’s only one thing I ask” Patty looked up at him through her hazy penguin eyes, “What is that Pedro?” He kissed her on the beak (which now that I’m writing this seems very awkward, because one how does a beak to beak kiss work, and two have you seen the inside of a penguin’s mouth? It’s really fucking weird.) Patty let out a soft penguin coo. “Patty the only thing I want from you is to be yourself” She nodded her head and laughed “I think I can do that.” Pedro looked her up and down, “You do look like the kind of penguin I could watch an egg with.” Patty had never been more turned on in her short penguin life (because penguins only live about 15-20 years) “Pedro please take me” She leaned back allowing her flippers to open wide. “Not here Patty, let’s take it over to the iceberg, I know a private place where I can eat you like the very naughty squid you are!” Patty agreed and they swam across to the iceberg where Pedro used his flippers to spank her causing her to let out a mighty penguin squawk! He then (somehow) managed to wrap his flippers around her neck while he pounded her like an otter pouding shellfish on a rock. When they were finished Patty rolled over and Pedro lit a penguin-ette (like a cigarette but it’s made out of seaweed) “Patty I didn’t know you were such a kinky little penguin, will you be my submisguin?” “Oh Pedro I thought you’d never ask, I’d be honored to have your as my domguin.” And from that moment on they were inseparable. The End!
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